Absurdity

His words are absolutely absurd to me; how can he say that he will just go with someone else without asking me if that is all right? Just the fact that he thinks I won’t really care hurts me worse than anything else. I might not be the most beautiful girl out there, but why is he not even putting me in his league? I can play the game better than all those chicks anyways, so why am I just alone, in this box with nowhere to go. Then there is the other kid that I see everywhere but he wouldn’t know who I was if I was standing directly in front of him talking to his face. So what if he has a girlfriend? That doesn’t matter; they will break up eventually anyways, so why not just speed up the process? I don’t know her, but I sort of feel like all the other girls around here are so empty compared to me. Yes, I am jealous of course, but not any more than I should be. It breaks my heart. I’m just a girl in the world, yes, and that should make me available. So to sit there with that dumb look on your face doesn’t make any sense to me. I am directly in front of you, being ME. I’m pretty sure that that should be enough to tell you that I am interested in you as a person, not just here to have a little fun.

You show me everything that is important to you and you listen so well to what I have to say, but it leads to nowhere. I feel like we are best friends, and that is honestly all I need from you right now, so just be there for me without being anything more than what I need. I trust you, but there are times that I feel like you want nothing to do with me; it’s like you want to ignore me but it only lasts a few moments and then you are staring into my eyes. I wonder what you are thinking when you do that. You were listening to your iPod and singing something to me. Our eyes were locked but when I asked you what you were doing, you shook your head and looked away. How is that supposed to make me feel? Because it is making me feel really lost and confused as to how I should react. You tend to do that to me a lot. When you talk, so many times you are looking right at me and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I am not nervous, but I can’t look you in the eye when you do that because I don’t know what to say. You look too far into me.

I need to fall back on you. It would be heavenly to have you there to catch me when I fall. Stand by me, like Billy Idol says, because I am just in dire need of that person right now in my life.