Summer... Where the Fuck Are You?

It's time to move on. It is time to get out of here and start an entirely new life. The songs that play on repeat tell me that summer is near. That means that I am getting out of here sooner than I realize. Unfortunately, it is not soon enough for me. Every day is like a struggle; I have no friends here. I wait restlessly for a time when I can call up a few people and have them over for a few hours. It is terribly depressing when you had incredibly vague plans to hang out with someone and when they cancel on me because they are too busy, my entire life seems to fall apart.

Then I try to play it off like it's not a big deal... because I know that it shouldn't be. It sucks to feel like such a dumbass. Ughh, then I get stuck in this rut where all I want to do is talk to somebody, but how can I expect people that I have basically tossed to the side to come to my rescue when I'm lonely? I hope desperately that when I finally get out of here, I will be able to ACTUALLY fucking start over. I can't live like this anymore; I found myself for awhile, but I completely lost it today. Fuck this bullshit.

I will snap out of it. I WILL. I have to because this is getting absolutely ridiculous. I feel like such a freak feeling like this, but then some crazy ass bitch in my ceramics class somehow knows the hottest kid I have ever seen at GCC. Like... WHAT? No, I am not alright with this shit. If I can't be myself, then of COURSE I'm not going to have friends. It is also sad when I turn to the people that I've been avoiding to help me out when I need to talk to someone. I am desperate for a few people to just chill with. I am a huuuuuge bitch and I hate myself for it. I had a few weeks in there where all I wanted was what I got. Now I want to ditch the bullshit and get the fuck out of here. Soon. SOON.