Is It Over Yet?

You told me to come back home to you, but “home” is nowhere to be found.

I have been sitting on your doorstep for hours, wondering how the hell my feet are staying in place.

I feel like I should be running from you, not staring at my tear-stained shoes wishing you were here.

It is so bad for me to be here, just please let me walk away.

Tell me now that I can leave because I am done feeling nothing.  It is not fair for me to watch you walk away.

I will never sit here again, waiting hopelessly for you to come back.

I cannot go through the motions; that part of my life is over. 

I must begin now to release you from my mind.

Attaching you to a rope would be the worst thing I could ever do because of the feelings that are bottled up inside me, never to be released with you still here.

Let me start over!  Just leave me to my own devices without trying to fuck up my life.

There is no beauty in manipulation and I will not allow you to rip me apart like this.

Still staring at the ground, a single tear drops to the floor and a tingle runs from my head to my toes.

The tighter I close my eyes, the shorter my breaths get and soon I cannot speak or even think at all.

It is that feeling of not knowing that I hate to feel taking over my head,

It is ripping at me, telling me that I am worth nothing and eventually it leaves me for dead.

That doesn’t make it fair and that doesn’t make it all right for you to make me wait like this, a broken mess sitting on your steps with everything to lose.