It Is What It Was

It’s that moment in time when you look into someone’s eyes and know you have them under your spell, the look that then fabricates itself into comfort and loses the mysteriousness.  When you’ve got someone – like truly have someone – you feel like you can do anything and no one is going to stop you.  It’s not love at all, but more of a fascination with the other person.  You don’t know what they are capable of, but it doesn’t matter because you just want to look into their eyes all-day and wonder.  It’s the first thing you say and the last thing you think when you walk away from them for the first time, and the only thing you can think about when they’re gone.  You smile when you think about all the things you can do; it’s like starting your life over with no walls.  It’s building a new life with yourself, and creating an image that you think accurately portrays who you are, what you have done, and where you want to go.  You see it, you touch it, and it disappears when the feelings of comfort take over.  After that, all you can hope for is to look into their eyes and see it just one more time, just a tiny glint of mystery.  It’s like a game you play with them, or a story you tell with the look on your face and the expression in your eyes.  But you never win because you want them to feel like they are winning all by themselves.  It doesn’t hurt when they leave if the sparkle is gone, so when they walk away for the last time, it is the way you shake your head, thinking about what they could have had with you.  They thought they knew you, but there was so much more.  It’s the way you see them a week later and the only thing you want to do is tell them what they are missing out on because they didn’t know what they had while it was still theirs.  It is and it isn’t, it wasn’t and won’t be, it makes you laugh and it hurts, but when it’s over, it’s over.  It’s the prick of a finger that draws the blood that stains your clothes, and the shirt you don’t wear anymore.  It’s how you push it out of your mind until it is so far gone that you can’t remember if it was even there.  It is a reinvention of everything you knew, and the hope that the look will reappear in another.